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Experiencing denial, especially when it happens repeatedly, is not a great feeling. An editor is turning you down, delivering a definite “Not interested.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with rejection. I began proposing story ideas five decades ago, just after college graduation. Since then, I have had two novels turned down, along with article pitches and numerous essays. In the last 20 years, focusing on personal essays, the rejections have grown more frequent. On average, I receive a setback multiple times weekly—totaling in excess of 100 times a year. Cumulatively, denials in my profession number in the thousands. By now, I might as well have a advanced degree in rejection.

But, is this a self-pitying rant? Absolutely not. Because, at last, at the age of 73, I have accepted rejection.

By What Means Have I Accomplished It?

For perspective: At this point, just about every person and others has said no. I’ve never kept score my acceptance statistics—doing so would be deeply dispiriting.

For example: not long ago, a newspaper editor rejected 20 articles one after another before approving one. In 2016, over 50 editors rejected my book idea before a single one approved it. A few years later, 25 agents passed on a project. One editor even asked that I send my work only once a month.

My Steps of Setback

When I was younger, all rejections stung. I took them personally. I believed my writing was being turned down, but who I am.

As soon as a piece was turned down, I would begin the phases of denial:

• First, disbelief. What went wrong? Why would these people be overlook my talent?
• Next, denial. Certainly you’ve rejected the mistake? It has to be an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What do any of you know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my efforts? It’s nonsense and the magazine is poor. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, irritation at the rejecters, then frustration with me. Why do I do this to myself? Am I a masochist?
• Fifth, pleading (often mixed with optimism). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, depression. I’m no good. Worse, I can never become successful.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Great Examples

Naturally, I was in good company. Accounts of creators whose manuscripts was initially declined are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was first rejected. If they could persevere, then possibly I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his school team. Most American leaders over the past six decades had previously lost campaigns. The actor-writer estimates that his script for Rocky and desire to appear were declined 1,500 times. For him, denial as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and get going, not backing down,” he remarked.

The Seventh Stage

As time passed, as I reached my later years, I reached the final phase of rejection. Acceptance. Today, I more clearly see the many reasons why someone says no. To begin with, an publisher may have already featured a similar piece, or have one underway, or simply be thinking about that idea for another contributor.

Or, less promisingly, my submission is not appealing. Or maybe the evaluator thinks I don’t have the experience or standing to fit the bill. Or is no longer in the business for the content I am peddling. Or was too distracted and reviewed my submission too quickly to recognize its quality.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Any work can be turned down, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost not much you can do about it. Certain rationales for rejection are forever out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Additional reasons are within it. Let’s face it, my pitches and submissions may from time to time be ill-conceived. They may not resonate and impact, or the idea I am trying to express is poorly presented. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe something about my punctuation, notably commas, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, regardless of all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve authored two books—my first when I was 51, the next, a personal story, at retirement age—and in excess of 1,000 articles. Those pieces have been published in newspapers big and little, in diverse sources. My first op-ed ran when I was 26—and I have now written to various outlets for five decades.

Still, no bestsellers, no author events at major stores, no spots on TV programs, no speeches, no book awards, no Pulitzers, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily take no at my age, because my, small successes have cushioned the blows of my many rejections. I can now be reflective about it all at this point.

Educational Rejection

Denial can be helpful, but only if you listen to what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will likely just keep taking rejection the wrong way. So what insights have I learned?

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