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When the story surfaced that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it thrust substance use disorder back into the national conversation. However, families grappling with a loved one’s substance use fear the dialogue will focus on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the more widespread risks of the condition.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the news. They only knew the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to painkillers and later illicit drugs, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehab and jail. After seven excruciating years, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” states Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through their own use, a relative’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to medical care or loss, according to 2023 data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or 48.4 million people, were living with a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how powerful you are,” stated Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is worried that the murders will make people “very wary of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg noted.

These “are really crucial discussions to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really a threat and the potential for causing violence.”

She also advised against making assumptions about the reported involvement of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is unclear whether substance use or psychological distress were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and fill in the gaps to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may lead to agitation, a violent crime like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything remotely close to aggression. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is significantly more likely to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not of their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get that call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was unconscious; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle loneliness—wondering if the addiction stemmed from some parental failure; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and dreading judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be content one day and in despair the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are able to become sober.

“Just as you can get over any other type of disease, you can overcome this condition, too. You can heal and be successful,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you fail, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a university education, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll take it and take it.”